I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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