bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
