I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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