He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
