it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize