loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
