Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just cropdusted the office
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
