You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
