Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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