I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
