Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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