did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
