it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
