Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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