Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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