They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
