He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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