Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are we still banned from the library?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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