My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
