Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
