if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize