I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
