"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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