I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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