you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
