Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
