Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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