I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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