How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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