they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
