when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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