shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
