i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
