first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
