I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
