She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
