I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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