I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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