Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
