omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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