My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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