k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
