I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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