I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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