VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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