i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
