Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
