You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
