By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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