I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
