Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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