Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
