I'm passing your future prison.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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