You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
