I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
