I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
