She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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