my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
