so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
