There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
