Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
