I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
