He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why didn't you poke me back
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
