I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Two words: nipple clamps
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