One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
