My hand turned me down
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
