OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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