I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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