I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
