Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You ruined the universe
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
