I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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