At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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