My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just high enough for therapy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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