She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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