I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize