Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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