you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
