just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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