Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
4 words: hood of his car
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
