I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
