yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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