My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
