When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
