Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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