Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
