To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
