I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
