I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
