I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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