I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
