I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
