Who wears a wallet chain?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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