So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
