Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
